Nothing is the same

Life continues to be unbearable. I don't even know how I'm existing without my mum. I don't want to. I want to be with the darling woman who gave birth to me, brought me up and continued to be there for me when I hit adulthood.
Why is the world so cruel. Why take my mum so early. I miss her so much. My head is just a mess and I don't even know how I'm functioning. Losing my mum has made me so angry. And helpless. And all the rest of it. Could we have saved her? I think things may have gone a different way if only we'd tried harder. Did we let our mum down? What could we have done differently? I hate going down that road as it will only bring more heartache but it keeps haunting me. Maybe she could still be here. I can't deal with it! It's all too much and one day soon, I'm going to join my mum. I can't see any other way out. This pain is far, far too great to endure and I'm not strong enough.