Feeling separated

Today I have been operating like nothing has happened. How is that even possible? I think I've gone into major denial. The thought of my lovely mum not being here is just too big a loss to handle. It's not real. I have been keeping busy and I don't want to stop because then the thoughts come along. But they come along anyway but my mind dismisses them. I feel like I have a huge rock in front of me, impossible to climb due to its vast size. I can't get anywhere near over it so I just don't try. I ignore it as I can't conquer it. That rock is the equivalent of my loss. I know it's there but I don't want to see it. I can't get over something so great. I don't even know how I'm still here. Existing. Without my mum. How am I doing that? How? In my mind it just doesn't compute. Mum, I miss you so much. Life just isn't the same without you. So many things I turn to tell you but a split second later I realise I can't. At least not in person, in the flesh. How do I go on without you? I feel empty. My life isn't worth living anymore. I don't want any part of this world if you're not in it. You mean so much to me and I love you more than you could ever know xxx