Feeling cheated

Feeling so cheated having my mum taken away from me. My mum was a good person, through and through. Why was she taken? Why take my mum days before she was due to start chemo??? Why? She was 63. Too young to pass on. There are evil monsters in this world who live til their 80s or 90s, who have committed unspeakable acts on fellow human beings yet it's my mum that is taken? Why? Where is the reasoning behind that? Someone please tell me.
I'm fighting back a huge wave of anger, frustration, sadness, desperation, unfairness inside of me. It threatens to overwhelm me and I don't know where it would take me. Could I survive such an onslaught of extreme emotions? Yet, I know its coming. It creeps ever closer and I'm scared. I already feel all of those emotions and more but so far I have been able to ride them out each time they hit. Just. Will I ever feel 'normal' again? Do I even want to? No. How can I ever feel normal again with such a huge hole inside of me. There is a part of me that died that horrible night. Life will never be the same again. My mum going through those last moments, passing on, makes my heart break into a million pieces and I can't do anything about it. Was there anything that could have been done that hadn't been done? Why was my mum not put in ICU? I dare not travel that road too far, it can bring only more heartache. If that's even possible.
I love you mum. Words simply cannot express just how much. Nothing can describe something so big. Know that I know you are there, around us, your girls.