Been trying to keep busy to stop myself from thinking too much. Now though I feel like I've pushed my mum away but I really haven't. I'm willing her presence right now and I'm sure I feel her. My mum will always be with me, no matter where I am. Lately, I've been trying to block everything out just so that I can get through the day but I know this won't last forever and nor do I want it to. The enormity of my loss is simply too much for my brain to get round so for the most part it still doesn't feel real. I don't want to accept what has happened, I want things to go back to how they were. Life means nothing anymore.
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