I miss you mum

I miss you so much. I've been having familiarity pangs today, like I do most days but today I've had more than usual. Picking out birthday cards was horrible knowing you no longer can. I want time to stop. You passed on way too early and there was still so much more for you to explore. Time just carries on. It stops for nothing. It creates more distance between having you here and then not having you here and I don't like it. No matter how much time passes, it won't ever take away this huge hole I now have inside of me. We're all going to Janene's tomorrow and part of me doesn't want to, I usually only went with you. How am I going to carry on without you? It's all so wrong. I get so angry. I just want to lash out at everyone and everything. But no matter what I do, it's not going to change reality and then I feel even worse. I truly am just existing, living each day without meaning anymore. I want to be with you again xxx