Another horrid day

Well that's it. No longer have mum's home. No longer will I ever be able to go there again. How I wish my mum was still here, sitting in her chair doing her knitting whilst watching some show on TV. Or see her at a bus stop waiting to go up town or bingo. Or go to Cambridge to visit my youngest sister with her. Or call her to talk about any troubles I may be going through and just wanting to talk to mum. Or go round hers to check she's eaten that day and to ask what she wants for dinner when she was poorly.
I don't think I can feel any more alone. Even with five sisters. I feel stronger when I'm with them, I take comfort from them but when I'm not, it's a whole different story. I was so lucky to have had the mum I had. And still have - just in a different way. But I want her back properly, I would sacrifice anything. I'd even give my life if it would bring my mum back, I just want her to be alive. How do you even go on from something like this? Every day, I question how I'm still here, alive, living, rather; existing. How am I still walking this earth when my mum, my mum, is gone. Physically. How? I feel like my life should have ended by now. I can't imagine a future without my mum in it. Every single day is so, so hard.