Anxious

I'm in a really dark mood tonight. Feel so on edge that something really bad is going to happen. It started last night and is still going. It was stronger last night than tonight; tonight I feel generally more anxious and jittery, like there is something fizzy running through my veins across my whole body. I wish it would let up because it feels like a precursor to a huge mood swing. I go crazy when I have those, how I haven't been locked up yet I don't know.
Having serious relationship problems with my boyfriend, if indeed, he still is. I feel so alone and he can't even be bothered to come be with me, yet, he's happy enough spending plenty of time with his frickin' neighbour. What has to happen in my life for him to put me first? The worst thing in my life has now happened to me so obviously nothing will make him act as a caring partner.
I am not as strong as everyone thinks I am. I'm falling apart but no one can see it. By time they do, it will probably be too late.