Sad

I miss you mum. I feel like I want to be at work all the time just so I can cope, to be busy doing something at all times. Not to avoid facing up to my reality, but just to cope. Maybe I am still in denial and it's my coping mechanism but know that you are on my mind every day no matter where I am. As Christmas approaches, and everyone around me make plans with their loved ones, it's becoming increasingly harder to deal with my pain. I want you! I want you here for Christmas, you should have been here! You were taken far too early and I can't believe you're not going to be here. It's just too much for my mind to cope with. I feel like I have to build a very high barrier within my mind to keep back the growing sadness and frustration from overwhelming me. I knew it would be hard losing you, very hard, but nothing could have prepared me for the huge hole inside of me. I want you back so bad. I fking hate the thought of living the rest of my life without you. How do I do that? Is it even possible? I don't know. I know that my love for you is stronger than ever though. You still influence me even though you're not here in person anymore. I know you're around us still xxx