Dreaming

Last night I had a dream about my darling mum. She was alive, poorly, but alive. I miss her so much, nothing just isn't the same anymore. My family has rifts in it already and we're just all falling apart without our mum here.
My dream kind of mirrored mum's life towards the end of it, it was quite similar. Was it my mum entering my subconscious? I think so. I know my mum is still around us and whilst I take comfort from that, it doesn't take away this awful deep ache inside of me wishing she was here in person as she was before. Alive. I know I mess up mum, probably regularly, but I hope I don't mess up too much. I'm struggling. Still. I always will, how could I not? You're my mum & as long as you're not here it's never going to be right. I love you xxx