My mum

Hit video on my phone a while ago & all my videos I'd taken all came up. Scrolled through and come across a few with my mum in them. Really hard and sad to watch but I got to hear her voice again. How I miss listening to mum talking about anything and everything,just to hear her voice. Reality kicks you when you least expect it. I still operate in denial just to get through each day. It hasn't really happened. It can't have happened. How could it? Something that big? I couldn't bear it. I can't bear it. I never knew grief could cut so deep. So many factors make my mum's passing worse than it should be. Mind, losing your precious mum will always leave a bottomless pit of grief and sadness no matter the circumstances. But my mum should have had at least another 20 years! If God exists, why, why did you take my mum? It is not possible that you need her more than I do! I love you mum, I think about you every single day and I always wish it was me that had gone and not you, you wanted life, you didn't want to die. Yet, a mess up like me gets ignored, for now. I will be with you one day mum, I look forward to that. If I can't have you in life then I shall be with you again in death.