Hurts so bad

Really feeling your loss tonight mum. I can't handle this pain. It's Kaila's school dance performance tonight and we went to her last one, this time last year, together. Now I'm going alone. Without you and it hurts so bad. How on earth am I to withstand this pain? How on earth did you cope when you lost your mum? And your dad? It's only now I can appreciate the depth of your pain when you lost them, now I've lost you. I can't believe I'm writing those words, I shouldn't have to because you should be here! I thought losing nan & grandad was bad enough, never knew grief could hit this hard. I want to feel you around me. I want to see you. I want you back! Nothing is the same anymore. We are all falling apart without you so you need to come back! Please come back, I can't bear it. I can't even see if I'm writing properly through the tears that keep falling! I want you back so bad, please, I'm a mess. I love you so much! X