Not sure but

... I think it must be time for a new rant. Haven't had one in a long time and I think I'm due one. Err so what to rant about. Life? Surely you must have one to rant about it! I shall thank the lucky heavens for the good news my family had today instead. I'm sure my beloved nan and grandad must have been looking down. Love them. Praying and praying things go well till we're completely out of the woods, both my mum and my dad. Got to focus on the positives. I don't care if I'm destitute, remain forever homeless, lose an arm, leg, anything, I'd lose it all to just keep those I care about close. May the outlook remain bright.

Rah de da de doo!

Wow what a mad few weeks but yet still more to go. Days rather than weeks though so here's to that! Think I'm gonna enjoy my night oot tomorrow. Think I'll be under the table after one pint :/

Oxjam Bedford

People, get yourselves down to Bedford tonight for an awesome night out! Oxjam are taking over the only places to be in aid of a brilliant cause so why not have yourself a great night out whilst supporting those in need at the same time?! Some great live bands are infiltrating the town so don't miss out!

The beach...

...is one of my favourite places to be. My two weeks in Gorleston are nearly up and I feel sad about that. Could stay here in my uncle's flat indefinitely! Chilling out on the beach, good book to hand,  the sound of the shore is something hard to beat. I love to stand along the harbour/port pier to watch the ships come in and out or to just watch the sea ebb below me. Will miss all this :(

Today...

...can't go fast enough. So fed up today & don't know why! Hmm, let me see, maybe it's my car insurance that has fked up once again and being extorted, or maybe it's the waiting around on hospital results, err, or it could be the never ending stress from the kids lately, maybe it's this stupid fking keyboard that refuses to get any thing I swipe correct!!!!!! Omg someone just shoot me now!! Actually that's all bullshit 'cos I am way past caring anymore and I'm gonna act like a cunt like most people and have no comebacks for such behaviour! It works for others so why not me!!!!!

My chilli...

...trauma :( I had the most evilist chilli sauce on my kebab last night. After rubbing my right eye, it was very uncomfortable, I've never known anything like it. I don't think my other chilli experience was this bad when my loving father dared me to eat a raw chilli (whole) for a tenner. I was left in major league discomfort. My eyes were watering, excessive saliva, heaving, mouth hotter than a fking volcano, felt very queasy and felt as if I was gonna pass out. Walking thru a blazing fire would have been preferable. At least I got a tenner for my troubles. I think I deserved more though for the entertainment value I obviously provided for him. There I was, in a lot of pain, and he was pissing himself laughing at me. Wtf. Took me a good hour to get back to normal. Didn't get much sympathy from any of the others either!
Anyway, my right eye is burning, so I rub it even more and boy did it sting. Eventually it calmed down & I went to bed, grabbed my book and got stuck in. Had to kind squint thru my right eye as it was still suffering some of the effects of the chilli sauce. Around two mins later I absent mindedly rub my left eye. Became apparent to me at that point that I hadn't managed to successfully wash away all the chilli from my fingers. Wtf! Tried to rub my eye with the edge of the duvet but only made matters worse as it felt as if I was rubbing the sauce in even further! Wow who knew eyes could burn and sting so fking bad! Went back to my book and had to squint thru both eyes now.
Fast forward a few hours to Sunday morning and I wake up to horrendous abdominal cramps. Fking ouch. Not long after, a trip to the loo was urgently needed. Oh my days. I don't think if a bunsen burner had been held to my bottom it would have hurt as much as that damn chilli. Ring of fire just doesn't cover it. Had to endure this pain for a good fifteen minutes till it started backing off and made me a nervous wreck in case I needed the loo again any time soon. This whole experience is not one I wish to repeat again. Ever.
I don't think I'll be touching that lethal stuff again any time soon!!
Think I might start a campaign to ban this nasty shit from the shelves!

Today is...

...one of the worst days ever. Just want it to be over :( Wish I could just disappear and live in a place where there is nothing but tranquillity, birdsong, the sound of lapping ocean waves, tall tropical trees, hollowed out coconut shells hanging from branches bopping away...heaven.
I would master primitive skills and delight in my newfound tropical surroundings instead of this concrete jungle. I would become inventive and create masterpieces from the natural habitat around me, including the garments that I wore. I would learn to live alongside all the bugs and insects instead of running away from them, maybe even let them walk over my hand and feel their spindly legs tickle their way round and round in my palm, in an endless circle.
At night, I would recline in a makeshift deck chair crafted by my own hands with the natural materials that abundantly make up the island's landscape...all the while listening to the gentle whispering of the frond-like leaves swaying in the cool sea breeze up high above my head, the sing song melodies from cheerful, colourful birds that no one had ever seen before, I would build castles with twigs and shoots...
Hmmm...sounds like a plan to me. Writing can be quite therapeutic :)

Sigh...

Feeling very sad tonight and lonely. Why is nothing ever easy? Why does everything seem such a struggle sometimes? Why can't I tune out from the constant whir that goes round and round in my head? Why does it seem as if as soon as one person enters your life, another one leaves it? Why can't a person have it all? Lots of whys but no answers. Such is life. Does He hear our silent pleas we send His way? Or does He just leave us to our own devices with no intervention? Wow, what a maudling mood I'm in tonight. Feeling very tearful, lonely, sad, quiet, tired...
Tomorrow is a new day and may it bring with it new opportunities and a smile or two...

Tonight I feel like...

...chatting shit! Shit shit and more SHIT. Imma gonna chat shit till I can chat shit no more! My brain is fried. Fried fried fired fried FRIED! I can't function anymore, at least not at this given moment in time. It's like there's a lil man in my head blocking every receptive pathway in there and all those for outgoing pathways too. It makes sense in my head, just about. It's like my brain is asleep but my body isn't, get me? Or, my head is full of cotton wool, rendering it useless. Yesss, just a normal day for me then. Well, night, seeing as it is dark out there. Will be dark in this house too when I terminate the electric source to all lights and lamps. Don't even know if that last para made sense?!?! I think I should have been in bed hours ago. Wanna go bed with someone special but apparently he's on secret missions that I'm not privy to. Wtf. Maybe he's in the crystal maze in which case, all is forgiven.

The Barrens

The Barrens is a rather poor effort IMHO. There is not much depth to it and even if you were to catch the last half of this mediocre film you'd be up to speed in no time with the plot. Which, btw, is a very simple one.
The main character, Richard, develops rabies after being bitten by an infected dog. This decidedly affects his rationale and in an effort to patch up cracks in his family, he takes them camping. Err I'm so unmotivated by this weak plot I can't even finish this review of it. Please do utilise Google to find other ones!
So, I do hope you found my half assed review helpful,  it just about matched the director's effort in the making of this film. Toodle-ooo.

My eyes are...

...bigger than my belly! Not literally you understand. Gawd I wish that was the case! It's a double edged sword though isn't it? Because if my belly was the same size as one of my eyes, I don't think I'd be physically able to down a Big Mac or two would I? So hmmm. Tiny belly vs Big Mac...gonna put that one to BBC QT.

Well I have an update on my lawn. There is no facking update, you know why? 'Cos there still is no facking lawn! Wth. No new growth. Nothing. Nadda. So which one of you lil fkers sabotaged it? 'fess up! I will hunt you daaaaaaannnn & gut you like a fiiiisshhhhh! Err anyway, I spy no green stuff :( Why won't it grow damnit. I WANT GRASS!!

Just so you know...

...there is not much to report on regarding my lawn-to-be. I'll take a wild stab in the dark that it is far too soon to spy any blades of the green stuff shooting up from the soil. Suffice to say, you'll just have to wait.
Don't be sulking. Good things come to those who wait. Apparently.

God I'm such a...

...whizz at this horticultural shit! Think I just might have missed my calling in life. Well that sure would suck if I have. I'm sure I suck at plenty of shit so at least I've been groomed at sucking. Meaning, the blows are less intense and if nothing else, I'm at least good at something, albeit sucking at shit.
I have treated you to an update of my produce. I think it's spring onions and lettuce. Deffo lettuce but not sure if the other batch are sprouts. Wtf. I'm guessing spring onions but I have been known to be wrong on the rare occasion so time will tell. The dilemma I face is where the fk to put it all. My home is being taken over by soil and green stuff. Don't think I'll be taking them outside 'cos being in the shittiest country of all time, we do not have the honour of witnessing the sun. If you're thinking about buying some of my goods, know that they are premium first class goods. Due to the excellent quality of my green stuff, I'm sure you can appreciate this is reflected in the price. £6.91 for a bunch of spring onions (typically around 5 spring onions per bunch) and £8.57 for a stalk of sprouts (usually around 15 sprouts per stalk) . These are on offer at the moment so grab them while you can, they won't last.

Such a...

...loser! I am so rubbish at bingo. They call every number out apart from the ones on my tickets. How the hell does that happen?? Still, I have a roof over my head and some bread in the cupboard so I thank the lord for these blessings. And He does exist, saw him only the other day in Carpet Right. Said He needed to replace the threadbare carpet in the shed (who the fk lays carpet down in the shed?!). Which brings me to my idol...Mario. You know the one, he jumps around collecting coins and has a bro called Luigi. Well, can you imagine if Our Lord bounced around? He could jump from cloud to cloud collecting good souls whilst destroying the bad. Praise be.

Wow...

...forgot I had this thing! Think I might just establish myself as a professional bloggette! Not that there would be an audience for my drivel but you never know, there just might be another loser out there just like me.
I am going to bang on about my garden for the foreseeable future. Sorry about dat! Only I've dug up half of it and seeded it so I'm going to keep you lovely twats err I mean people in the loop. I'm sure the highlight of your day will be to check the progress of my soon-to-be exquisite lawn. You know the drill: Get home after a long day at work, get all the monotonous chores out the way, watch a bit of porn um that should have said Sky Atlantic, oops and then put the dastardly kids to bed. Then, all of a sudden, you A) Realise you haven't checked my lawn yet or B) Didn't forget about my 'to die for' lawn but wanted to save that special moment for when the lil shits are in bed so when that magic moment arrives and you're sat at your PC, all that day's stresses and strains simply melt away when you glimpse the status of my not-yet-established lawn (can you imagine that?!?!). So yes, I will be sure to keep y'all updated. Just need to figure out a name for her. Lola. Love that name! (God can you imagine naming every single blade of grass?? Now that would be silly).
Btw, the pic is supposed to be positioned that way. Thought I'd be considerate and give you a lil neck stretch. Oh and also, it appears that I may have seeded the slabs a wee bit. That wasn't intentional. Who da feck seeds slabs?!?! Tossers.
Ok so someone turned the pic the right way up. Feel a bit silly now.