My chilli...

...trauma :( I had the most evilist chilli sauce on my kebab last night. After rubbing my right eye, it was very uncomfortable, I've never known anything like it. I don't think my other chilli experience was this bad when my loving father dared me to eat a raw chilli (whole) for a tenner. I was left in major league discomfort. My eyes were watering, excessive saliva, heaving, mouth hotter than a fking volcano, felt very queasy and felt as if I was gonna pass out. Walking thru a blazing fire would have been preferable. At least I got a tenner for my troubles. I think I deserved more though for the entertainment value I obviously provided for him. There I was, in a lot of pain, and he was pissing himself laughing at me. Wtf. Took me a good hour to get back to normal. Didn't get much sympathy from any of the others either!
Anyway, my right eye is burning, so I rub it even more and boy did it sting. Eventually it calmed down & I went to bed, grabbed my book and got stuck in. Had to kind squint thru my right eye as it was still suffering some of the effects of the chilli sauce. Around two mins later I absent mindedly rub my left eye. Became apparent to me at that point that I hadn't managed to successfully wash away all the chilli from my fingers. Wtf! Tried to rub my eye with the edge of the duvet but only made matters worse as it felt as if I was rubbing the sauce in even further! Wow who knew eyes could burn and sting so fking bad! Went back to my book and had to squint thru both eyes now.
Fast forward a few hours to Sunday morning and I wake up to horrendous abdominal cramps. Fking ouch. Not long after, a trip to the loo was urgently needed. Oh my days. I don't think if a bunsen burner had been held to my bottom it would have hurt as much as that damn chilli. Ring of fire just doesn't cover it. Had to endure this pain for a good fifteen minutes till it started backing off and made me a nervous wreck in case I needed the loo again any time soon. This whole experience is not one I wish to repeat again. Ever.
I don't think I'll be touching that lethal stuff again any time soon!!
Think I might start a campaign to ban this nasty shit from the shelves!