Have run out...

...of cigs. Thick snow outside and I can't be arsed going out to buy any. I don't feel too bad for not having any, I've just read a few pages of my AC book so I'm feeling rather empowered at the mo. Say, around 20% haha I did have a fleeting thought to see how long I can go before buying any but no can do. I'll stop when I stop. I'll know when the time is right,. Hopefully!
I am currently thinking of a lil mantra to say to myself each time I feel a poke from evil Nic. A strong positive one. He just stabbed me just now actually but still can't be arsed going to the shop so he can sod off ha! There I am, holding one end of the rope and there he is, holding on dearly for all he is worth at the other end. Yes I am winning this battle woo go me! I have pulled him about 30% towards the line...
Thar goes another stab. Rubbish. I feel like going to the shop now but at the same time I really don't want to. It's too cold. And too much effort. How did I get so lazy?! Also, I am gonna try associating the 'pangs' with another action. Instead of reading the pangs as a need for a ciggie, I'm gonna try to take them to mean I want to do some knitting lol Not knitting as such but another activity. One that I like. "oh, did you just poke me Nic?" instead of associating that poke as a need for a ciggie, I'm gonna disassociate that link and replace the need for a cig with a need for knitting instead. Yeah, I think I'm onto something there...or not... :)

Prep games and material...

Today, I took delivery of a lil DS game...'My health coach - stop smoking with Allen Carr'. Have had a few mins on it, seems it will be helpful. Cost a couple of quid but capable of saving me thousands! So I am armed with my book and the game and I'm hoping it will transform my attitude towards smoking. It did it before and I'm hoping it will again, although I am not kidding myself that I will have a relatively easy quit like last time. CT too!
I did think about going back on the NRT but the only thing stopping me is that I remember when I used it a couple of weeks ago it hit me that I'm just prolonging my withdrawal, maybe it's just easier to go the whole hog and combat both the addiction and habit at once. Seem's a daunting task but I am trying to change my perceptions.
Today, has been a real shit day. I'm glad I didn't pick today to stop! I have not set a definite date yet but I know I need to because the longer I leave it the harder it's going to be to stick to a date. I feel I will know the moment as I proceed with my AC material. I kinda felt an aversion towards cigarettes last time due to AC, lets see if I experience the same this time.

http://www.cosmosmagazine.com/features/print/2349/nicotine-can-it-save-your-brain,

Smoking...

...is for losers. Unless it's a big fat spliff ha! Not that I partake in such activities ;) fk dat shit, I'm hardcore, hit me up wid da heroin any time boi! No seriously, I don't do that shit either. Thank gawd. Got enough on my plate without being bogged down by another drug! Drugs = Bad. Not good.
It can be hard to undo all that you are used to. I ran out of cigs tonight and I didn't want to go to the shop to buy any 'cos I had to pick my mummy up from bingo and I couldn't be arsed doing two trips out. So, I went (easily) 2 hrs without lighting up and I have to say, I have a problem. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, which is where I smoke. I might have one fag, I might have two, but on each visit to the kitchen, I can easily spend half hour on each visit. I am a Twitter addict and I get so caught up on it time just flies by.
So I'm lying there on the sofa without any fags. My subconscious pokes me to go and have a ciggie. I haven't got any so I dismiss the thought. Fifteen minutes later my subconscious gives me another poke. Again, I dismiss it. Eventually, I start getting restless. I want a smoke but don't have any. Should I go shop and get to the bingo hall early to wait for my mummy (ha) or just keep dismissing these pokes. I realise I now have to find something to do with all that time I will be at a loss with which used to be spent in the kitchen getting some Twitter action. Hmmm. I have plenty to do, college work, housework, volunteer work to sort out etc. etc. but it just isn't the same. It is like a ritual to me. Kitchen - fag - Twitter. Fag time is Twitter time basically, it's the main time I check it. During my crappy quit I failed, I found using Twitter whilst in the living room 'not quite the same'. I have to disassociate Twitter from smoking. But how? I guess only time will distance the association but I need to find something else to do, something else that involves using my hands. I have to find alternatives to everything that I used to do with a cigarette.
My family take the piss out of me a lot re my smoking habit. "After a fag" is my catchphrase. I have to have a fag before I do anything. Even if I've not long had one. Say, I've just had a fag. My bf wants to go shops. Despite only having one ten mins ago, I'll want another one before we go to the shop. Wtf? I don't really feel ready to stop but when do you ever? My determination to stop has somewhat lessened but stop I will. It's all mind games. I'm not telling myself I can't ever smoke again, way too final, I'm just telling myself that I choose to stop for now. But who am I kidding? I do plan to stop with no intention of ever smoking again, yet, that notion is far to abrupt. I'm just hoping my AC books will turn my way of thinking round again. Here's hoping!

Sike!

So today is Tuesday and I have almost been stopped smoking 2 days now *snigger* ha! No, not really! I should've been born with feathers for I did not quit on Monday. Uh ut. I couldn't find my AC book and I wanted to read up some before stopping my bad habit but I only found it yesterday so I kinda figure that's as good an excuse as any to not stop on the day I said I would. So shoot me.
I AM stopping. But I have to feel partly ready so I have been having some great conversations with myself with regard to my smoking habit. They were awesome. I highly recommend it (talking with yourself).
 On a bum note, missed college today. First day back too! Wtf. Too personal to explain why on here so sod off. Oh, and I want to know who hid my MOT test certificate. It only went missing 'cos I really needed it today. However, if I didn't need it, it would have been glaring me in the face but no, the little fker went missing. Now I have to WALK to the PO tomorrow to get my tax 'cos I couldn't find it before PO closed. Oh, but hang on, I can't. No MOT cert! You can't even begin to imagine the hassle this has caused me for tomorrow. Sods law showing it's ass again. Well it can take it's stinky ass and fack off! Guess I'm going the online route...yeah, that's like a red rag to a bull 'cos ya just KNOW my internet is gonna cut out now! Ah well, can't win 'em all can ya?

Blood? What blood?!

So today I was supposed to 'do my bit' and give blood. True to form, something happened to mess that up but if the powers that be think I'm going to overlook this and forget all about 'doing my bit' then it's fighting a losing battle. So stick that where the sun don't shine!
Have spent a lot of today trying to not think about tomorrow. Aye, its 'don't do that it's bad for you' day. Yip, losing my one 'n only vice :( No more ciggies for me. My mindset is not where I wanted it to be but again, I'm rubbish and didn't read up any. Now whether this is an excuse or not I don't know, but I'm gonna have a word with my kids about my lil 'promise'. The one I made to stop smoking Monday 30th. I'm thinking maybe I ought to get a couple of days reading done (Allen Carr) so that come my stop date, my head will at least look like its curving towards getting round the FACT that I will no longer be accommodating nicotine in my life. Hmmm. Excuse? Or sensible? Obviously, I'm going to choose the latter :) Will see...

Tired...

...thanks to my lil nephew. Babies, I have decided, are not conducive to a good night's sleep! How a 6 month old baby can survive on such little sleep is beyond me, I thought that was what babies were all about :/ I. Need. Sleep.
Another day nearer to stopping the dreaded weed arghh! Gawd, why am I still seeing it as a negative to quit a negative habit?! Need my books asap!
God my eyes are like lead, and I've got another night of this lol boy what have I let myself in for...

Slow down...

So, it's another day nearer to my quit date. Bring it! Err, actually no don't bring it just yet, I need time to adjust! Must must must dig out all my books - Allan Carr is my hero! I tried quitting a few days ago and lasted all of 36 hrs woo! I was using NRT and although it took the edge off (I was using patches and spray) it hit me that I wasn't actually conquering my addiction. Whilst some people don't mind using such products, I realised I didn't really wanna long out the withdrawal process so I'm gonna be doing this quit CT. My mind is telling me I may as well carry on smoking if I'm gonna be using NRT cos I'm still not addressing my addiction by using it so I'm just gonna soddin' go for it and hope for the best! Btw, to anyone reading this that are using NRT, good for you and good luck with it. Whatever works for ya. At least you're not inhaling all the other nasty crap that come with smoking cigs to get the nicotine. We all share the same end goal and may all of us reach it.
Anyhoo, time to get some study done. My college tutor is going to be sooooo impressed with my assessment I'm working on. Never before has she had to spend so much time correcting all my mistakes in her feedback lol Well! Fancy giving me all that work and expecting ME to know where everything goes!

The day before the weekend before quitting

So it's Thurs night with nothin' to do. Surprise! Hell, let me rewind a decade or two where I was never in, always out. Knockin' back the drinks like there was no tomorrow...those were the days!
I am planning to quit that horrible nasty habit of smoking Monday 30th Jan. Go me! Dunno if I will succeed, just trying not to create pressure by telling myself that I won't ever smoke again. I mean, damn, thats like being told I'll never get to pick at cheese strings again! I love cheese strings damnit. However, I do appreciate the differences between a cheese string and a cigarette lol
On a plus note, I got myself a job - community support worker - so that will keep me busy once I start. I also plan to re-start volunteering at a hospice not too far from me so that also will make far better use of my time than dragging poisonous fumes in to my body!
Three days till I stop....