Bad day

Bad few days rather. Even weeks. Feel totally consumed with the loss of my mum. Truth be known, if something suspicious shows up on my chest x ray I feel a lil bit contented in that I'll be back with my mum again. I simply cannot say, or write, how much I miss her. Her last few hours keep playing over and over in my head and the grief cuts deep. Been looking at the few photos I have left of my mum on my phone and it all feels like it was only yesterday. I don't know how you're supposed to go on after such a loss. She should still be here, with her family, enjoying the little things in life. She was a fighter and I know no one else who even comes close to being as strong as my mum was. I can't take this pain, it torments me daily and I need to somehow learn to deal with it or just carry on like I am and hope one day soon I will be back with my mum. Maybe this cancer scare will be the start of that, who knows! My mum would kick my arse for talking like this but that's the difference between me and my mum, she's strong and I'm weak. I'm so proud to have the mum I have. Love you always forever and ever xxx