It's my sister's wedding today and I'm sat at home with a coffee and a cigarette. Feel so messed up. I love my sister dearly and can't tell you how much I am regretting not being there for my sister's big day, it's never going to happen again. I thought, after losing my beloved mum, life might ease up a little bit but it doesn't. It just carries on bringing bad karma. Why? All us girls should have been brought together after our devastating loss but it's done the opposite. We're all falling out and it is breaking our mum's heart. I just hope the rifts aren't irreparable. I know for my part it's my messed up head causing me to act in a way I normally wouldn't, I don't know how to stop it. I want my family to go back to how we were, where nothing could divide us. I never, ever in a million years thought we would split like we have, didn't think it ever possible and now that we are divided, it's shattered a lifelong belief and I struggle to deal with that. Feel extremely sad and gutted. Regardless, I hope my sister has an amazing day.
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