Low

Trying to beat this low mood but it's hard. I don't really have a purpose anymore, other than my kids, I'm not really any good to anyone else and even with my kids I fail sometimes. Been feeling low all day, irritable too. I'm stressing over time off at work due to not being able to have the days off I want and I feel like I'm going to quit my job but I don't want to lose my job. I like my job. It's the only thing that gets me out of bed in the mornings. Just confirms I'm a nobody who no one wants to know, not even my own family. I've lost contact with everyone and it's just me and my kids now. I feel so impatient for something to happen, to put me out of my misery. Maybe I should suddenly stop my meds because then I know that if the powers that be (which are so good at messing me up but not actually ending my misery) won't end it all then I will. I'm not ever going to be or feel normal again, whatever normal is. It's been years and I don't see anything changing. My mum would be so mad right now if she knew my thoughts. Maybe she does. If she does, then I'm sorry mum but I'm struggling. I'm nowhere near as good a person as you. You were, and always will be, a much better person than me. You are my mum and I love and miss you every single day.