Ways

I wonder if I was to dose up on my meds and lie in a full bath of water if I'd drown without being conscious. I have been thinking of a many number of ways I can end it all with the least amount of distress. Knock myself out whilst in the bath and drown whilst unconscious. I want to cut myself so bad right now but I have to go to work tomorrow and I can't have cuts showing on my arm. Why is this even stopping me? If I wasn't taking my meds I'd have done it with no hesitation, possibly even ended it all by now. I think I should stop taking them, let nature take its course. No more misery, no more being a useless mum to my kids, no more being a let down, no more dragging other people down, no more...anything. To be free of this never ending depression, misery, extreme emotions would be nothing but bliss. I'm not a mum whose kids can be proud of and this is killing me. I was fortunate to have the best mum in the entire world but somehow I can't afford that same privilege to my kids, my mum's grandchildren, it breaks my heart. I know I'm a huge let down, failure, you name it, I'm it. My kids are better off without me before I damage them even more.