Love you mum

Thinking of you so much mum. I can't adequately express in words how much I miss you. I think I'm operating by denying the extent of my loss because it is too much for me to cope with by facing up to my huge loss. Nothing is the same and nor will it ever be. I feel such sadness, sadness I never knew could hit so deep. Whenever I try to face up to my loss, I get a sense of panic, a feeling of pure helplessness and it feels like a huge wave that's going to swallow me up. I have never cried so much in my life. If only tears could bring you back, if only I could will you back. I hope I'm being a good daughter, I know I mess up sometimes, I know I do, but I'm trying my best. I know you are still here, in a different way, I know you look over us. I feel you. I feel you inside me and I feel you around me. Thank you. I miss you so much and love you forever and ever, nothing can ever take that away xxx