Bad day

Today has been one of the worst days of my life. Obviously it comes nowhere near losing my dear beloved mum, whom I need so very much right now, but as bad days go, this one has got to be near the top 5. I hate that I'm so weak. I wish more than anything I had my mum to talk to. If my mum was looking over me today then I hate knowing I must have caused her so much anguish. I'm sorry mum. I'd swap places with you in a heartbeat and I also know you'd hate me saying that but it's the truth. You had so much to live for. I miss you so much, more than you could ever imagine.
Everyone keeps saying tomorrow is another day and it will be better than this one but it won't change anything, my circumstances remain unchanged. No one understands just how low I am. Makes me feel I can't talk to them because they won't take my feelings seriously. I don't want tomorrow, I want nothing. Just nothing.