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Don't know what to do with myself. I feel like stopping all the medication I'm on and get my nerve back to end my miserable existence. I can't function as I am. I want my mum. I need my mum. I need to tell her how bad I'm coping and how bad my moods are. With my mum listening to me, it would help. Dr has altered my medication and messed me up. I'm so angry. I can't let the smallest of things drop. I go on, and on and on, until I've hurt all those around me with my vicious words. I am a horrible, spiteful, cruel person. This is not how I want to be but I can't stop it. Things go round and round in my mind and this inability to stop myself reacting in extreme ways is driving me crazy. Literally, crazy. I'm a failure, a total failure and I don't like myself. I wish upon wish that I was taken instead of my mum, the wrong person went, it should have been me. How I wish it had been me. Hopefully, I will get my release one day soon and be done with this shit and be back with my mum. I love you mum. I know you'd be kicking my arse right now, but you have to remember I'm nowhere near as strong or as beautiful a person as you. I love you xxx