Sorry

I'm sorry mum, I haven't been to see your headstone yet, I just can't bring myself to go. I just know I'm going to be a mess. I'm a mess many days and nights without you so I should just go. I promise to go soon, I will take you some beautiful flowers. I shouldn't be doing that. Losing you hasn't got any easier, if anything, it's got harder. I'm not coping great and I'm awful to live with. Your grandkids deserve medals! I am trying though. I still can't comprehend losing you. Nothing is the same anymore. I can't help but feel we could have done more to save you but we didn't. Why not? Why just go on the word of a Dr? They have been known to get things wrong many times and I wish like crazy that me and your other daughters pushed and pushed for more to be done, you could still be here. I have to live with that now, words cannot express how sad and regretful I now feel. I just want you back. I can't wait til we're together again. I really can't. Hopefully in the not too distant future. I love you so much xxxxxxxxx